stinky hoodie!

night you guys. i'm out.

i believe i haven't washed this hoodie since i bought it (aka give or take 4 weeks).



and the santa clause is on! i love christmas.

i am trembling. but i am not afraid. in fact, i've never felt more powerful.

he was insulting, doing the usual, to my mom. she was crying. i wasn't going to let him. i stormed out to stop him and comfort her, it wasn't a pretty sight. cast him the dirtiest of dirty looks as i ran and knelt to hug my mom and tell her to get some sleep. everyone is cranky.

he wouldn't shut up, so i told him too. so loud and full of rage, my screams echoed and trembled, i bet the whole state of virginia heard me. i just should, it's like i was concious of what i was doing, but i really wasn't. it was just an instinct. i had to yell and be louder than him to simply make him shut up. he's like a fucking puppy. except puppies are easier to train.

he stormed up and that's when the trembling got worse, but instead of backing off, i met the bastard halfway. he stated yelling at me, calling me a disrespectful brat, the usual. even threatened to hit me. i wasn't scared. he's not scary. i couldn't even understand half the shit that came out of his mouth because of his broken english. in fact, the whole thing might have even been amusing if i wasn't shaking so much.

i guess the one bit that did scare me a little were his eyes. like he's done this before. they were so full of hate and a fighting nature. like he does it all the time. it definitely wasn't a new experience for him. it was for me.

i brushed t off a he continues yelling in his gibberish, the his usual insults and critiques oozing out. no big deal. yet i was still shaking. i told my mom to go to bed and a coupe minutes later, i'm telling all of you/getting all his off my chest so it doesn't bother me tomorrow.

secretly, i wished he had hit me. it would have been i bigger step towards getting him out of her. and me getting therapy.

all i know is that my mom told me she gave him a date that he has to be gone by. i hope it's true and i hope he leaves. or else 2010 is going to suck serious balls. his end is getting closer and closer everyday and i love it.

living like life's going out of style.

I would be posting in more detail, buy I'm pooped.

Night y'all.

I'm going to try and finish burned. It's getting juicy!

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I was supposed to talk about my book, but I got sidetracked by the heated argument involving you-know-who.

I love burned it's amazing. Anything by ellen hopkins is amazing (so far). So relatable, but dark. Like, sarah dessen was relatable but mushy. And sappy. Hopkins is much darker. More my style. Same subjects, different perspectives. Good books.

I haven't read in a while. My eyes have missed it.

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He's pathetic, immature, cruel, annoying, a liar, a hypocrite.

I hate him.

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I LOVE THIS. this is the best thing ever. as much as I obviously hate to see my mom get bothered by someone and insulted, everytime she fights with him, the ice he's walking in gets thinner and thinner.

He does this thing where he knows you're mad at him, but he leans over anyway and whispers stuff into your ear. Like, the news anchor will be like "50 cats were found in a river," and he goes, "how many? huh?" but we all know that he heard perfectly well. He just does it to piss us off. I ususally end up yelling at him and he goes away. But my mom has literally been ignoring him for the past 20 minutes. It's hilarious. She's a stone wall. And he's pathetic.

Okay, so she gave in. But it was only for a second. She's got him on a tight leash!

Things are looking up.

But I still hate him.

Now I wanna listen to forgive durden.

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I made new LJ friends! Yay.

Had a boring time gift-wrapping, no one came. Rain made another paper doll thing, I read my book. Rain and u can make anything fun. There's nothing better than stepping back for a second when you're screaming a british band's cover to taylor swift's "you belong with me," to go "wow. this is crazy. this is awesome."

Good times.

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i'm going to kill my editors. they're so annoying. i get it, but till. it's bothersome. off to get my day started, wrap up my articles, and do gift wrapping with rain again.

hayley williams. i kinda love you.

why must you make every picture i upload fuzzy???

cobra starship, fall out boy, paramore, all time low, the all-american rejects, the academy is..., the cab, anarbor, mayday parade, blink-182, the summer set, the secret handshake, versaemerge, panic at the disco, eye alaska, every avenue, cute is what we aim for, cartel.

i drew myself a couple days ago. it looks a little fuzzy because of the format change but it's still pretty accurate. my mommy was so proud.

three best:

-the harry potter series: obvious reasons. amazing plot, amazing characters, really got me into reading. lifelong buddies, harry and i.
-tweak: very honest portrayal of a life i don't ever want to live. nic sheff's story really inspired me to have a better look at life. he's an amazing writer who is just like us. he was just a kid who made bad decisions.
-the last dog on earth: i don't know why this story has stuck with me for so long. i don't know if it was the plot (a boy named logan runs way from home with his loved dog, jack), the characters (logan was so easy to relate to, his dad, his stepfather, jack herself). i don't know.it was my favorite book in fifth grade and still love it. it was very well written and kind of a steal. my elementary school does thing thing called recycled reading where for very book you donate, you get to pick some up too. i choose it because it seemed interesting and i fell in love. i feel like it's my own special book. i love it.

three worst:
- anything i was ever assigned to read in school. minus to kill a mockingbird.

It's gabe saporta! The things this man's music has done to me.

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Ugh.

After the fight, he came out here to the living room to piss us off. He cane over and grabbed at my mom's drink, pushed around my little sister, ate our breakfast, insulted us, and then proceeded to stand in my mom's way so that she couldn't see the tv. All in a matter of ten minutes. Isn't he talented?

Now he's gone. Without any warning he disappears. He doesn't feel obligated to show any manners becuase he says we're not a family. He has no obligation to us. He just comes and goes as he pleases.

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Whenever they fight, and no matter how bad the fights get, they always make up. And she starts to defend him again. And we're the bad people again. Not him.

That's fucked me over so much, that little thing called "making up."

You know what I tell myself everyday? What I do as a part of my routine? I set a date for him to be out. When I was in Bolivia, I wanted it to be before I moved out. I wanted it to be before I started school, before thanksgiving, and my current goal is before Christmas. I want him to be out. More than anything. Anyhunh materialistic, shoes, and money.

I'll give up anything at this point to get him out.

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I hate when they fight. But the again, I live it because it shows me just hiw nasty he is and just how strong my mommy is.

It's almost 9 on Saturday morning. They're in bed, which is inky a wall away from me. I can hear everything they're saying. And it gets into this thing about me and how I hot home so late. And my mom loses it and basically tells him to the shut the fuck up because she's tired of hearing him insult us. I felt so proud.

Then he goes into this big thing where he pretends to be some sort of charity case and is asking my mom for money. She obviously refuses and then he starts attacking my family, my uncle who was over ere last night. He got mad because my mom gave him some toys for my 2 year old cousin. And that was spontaneous, they only came over for a visit and to catch up but he has to turn it into something nasty.

I font know how or what, but things got worse. He pretty much called her a slut and a bitch and she fired right back by calling him a mean, useless hobo. And a liar. And a hypocrite.

I'm sorry, but as far as the slut accusations go, my mom has been with no other man dice my dad screwed her over and left her with two kids. She has worked every bone of her sometimes weak body to give us what we want and need. She has a friend, how I've met and he was a cool guy. Whether or not they ere anything more, I don't know but I know he treated her better than my dad. They still talk and my dad gets jealous.

It's all bad. But the funnier thing is, they think I don't know this.

I honestly don't understand hiw she puts up with this asshole. I don't get it.

And all the points I listed that I have to make, they all have to do with him.

I don't think my mom is blind anymore. I think the light is finally starting to hit her and she's seeing what he's doing.

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I have always been a holiday person. I love these times of year bacause they remind me why I have to be grateful for having an amazing family and friends.

There's no room for moping when you've got turkey to eat and presents to wrap. Plus, the holidays mean no school and staying up all night on new year's. Good times.

I'm not going to let his immature and hateful attitude ruin my day. Just because you never had a real thanksgiving with a real family, doesn't mean you have to ruin mine.
In going to try and make this day work for me. To be honest I font even want to try, I want him to sneak away like he usually does in awkward family-related situations.

WHATEVER. Block it all out, Laura. Block it all out. Or at least try.

So I hope you all have a great thanksgiving full of food and family. Stuff your faces with the yummy stuff yo fuel your black Friday shopping!

As "bad" as this year has been so far, I will always have something to be thankful for.

My friends-who keep me sane with their amazing humor

My family-for being supportive (and also hilarious)

Music-for getting me by a day at a time

My hair straightener-for keeping me looking and feeling good.

The fact that I have a roof to sleep under every night, a bed to sleep in and clothes to wear and food to eat-makes me realize how lucky and fortunate I really am.

Make this one big, guys.

Parade is on! I'm out!

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