I know this whole writing thing isn't really working, but I've learned to not force things any more. I'll write when I want to and when it feels right.

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I should probably use cuts from now on when I post that many pictures. Forgot they existed.

Some more projects:

Before

After

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Some more poopy, spontaneous
photoshopping by yours truly.

After is on top, before on bottom!

This one has a border too:

I love this one.

(I already deleted the "before" to this one.
Whoops.)

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Can't decide which one I like. They're both of Sierra kusterbeck.

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Just photoshoppin' around.

Before

After

Just some minor fixes

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I'm going to do a quick mini-spam of various things because I need to rid my iPod of junk.

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I am so depressed. I'm tired of faking it. At this point it's a miracle I get up in the morning and still smile. I've given up on myself and my motivation has almost run out. But I hate being weak. I hate showing weakness. I have to stay true to this "tough" shell I have on. Fuck.

First off, I'm so disappointed in myself. I said that once he left I would kick ass in school, I've only gotten worse.

I didn't send out my christmas cards like I said I would.

I think I'm a horrible friend. Our friendship is missing something but I don't want to step over by boundaries so I don't even biter to fix it.

I'm also pissed at how much stuff gets to me. Everything bothers me (school, real world) but nothing does (interweb, music).

I'm trying so hard. I'm burnt.

I just want to do nothing.

I hate this. I'm the only one to blame. I need help. But I absolutely hate asking for help.

But this thing, this optimistic side of mine whispers, keep going when I think stuff like this. It saves me. And I'm glad.

If my inner-optimist were a real person, he or she would deserve one hell of a hug.

I can do this, you guys. It's just a rough patch! I'll watch, read, and listen to some cheesey, inspirational stuff that will drag me back out of this shithole. And I'll do it alone. Like I've always done.

I can do this.

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 i figure i've got enough issues without having to pimp mysef out  x2. 

i'm moving back to tumblr!! (or screwing everything and finding something new. who knows.)

 i guess i should start off by wishing everyone a happy new year! i had serious plans to log on and make a quick new year's appearance, but laziness go the best of me again. 

 i'll just leave this here.  

Just talk yourself up
And tear yourself down
You've hit your one wall
Now find a way around
Well what's the problem?
You've got a lot of nerve

So what'd you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

I'm not so naive
My sorry eyes can see
The way you fight shy
Of almost everything
Well, if you give up
You'll get what you deserve

So what'd you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
So what did you think I would say?
No you can't run away, no you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away
You threw it away

You were finished long before
We had even seen the start
Why don't you stand up, be a man about it?
Fight with your bare hands about it now

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay, well did you?
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

I never wanted to say this
You never wanted to stay
I put my faith in you, so much faith
And then you just threw it away

i love this. 

for a pessimist, i'm pretty optimistic/paramore

I have a newfound respect for my mother.

I am celebrating the death of...I don't know. Something weird.

This is good. And it's LEGIT. His shit is in the living room, my mom asked him for the key.

It's finally happening! And what great timing.

I'm so ready to kick 2010 in the ass.

Bring it.

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Merry Christmas eve you guys!

So my mom let's us open one present on Christmas eve. But seeing as I got my presents early or my mom has a wrapping disability and hasn't wrapped any yet, but I have nothing under the tree. I do, however, have a stocking that is chock-full of random goodies. The munchkin has already opened and is thoroughly enjoying her new gift. Mom said I could open my stocking, but I feel I should save it for tomorrow. So I al least have something to open.

I told the munchkin she could get me one thing out of my stocking. She dd, it was a koala beanie baby that I have named Luis. Then she went on again, and pulled out a huge tootsie roll. JACKPOT!

Oh well. I'll think about it. Haha.

Wayne's world is on!! Bye!

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Oh. New year's resolutions. I hate these. I can't stick to them. I also hate it when people are so set on them but a) give up and bitch about it b) they blame someone else and bitch about it or c) they just birch about being failures at life. Boo hoo.

I would be like "I ned to lose weight, go on walks, meet someone, save some kids in a third-world country, find a cure for cancer, win a Pulitzer..." Nah. I just want to survive sophomore year.

Heh.

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I find it funny that I have no presents under the christmas tree, becuase they're not wrapped, because it's hard to wrap one's present when one NEVER LEAVES THEIR HOUSE.

There is no hope left for me.

(I also sense a pronoun issue)

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 i'm not a crybaby. i'm THE crybaby.   my mom only arrives home in two ways. either A) she is pretty happy and hugs us all and is nice and all even though she's tired. she talk to him but doesn't give him her total attention. she's pretty chill and happy.  or B) she's a raging bitch. she's scary and anything she finds to blame on anyone in her path, she will. it can get scary but i've just learned that it's easier to not say a word back and just do. talking isn't going to fix anything because neither my mom nor i are the talking types.  so i expected for this to be a longer, ranting pot about my mom. but i guess i''m too tired (and too much into the christmas spirit) to be paying attention to all the negative vibes. pfffffffffffft. i'm done.  i need t write more. in my journals. carpal tunnel is starting to kick in.  i need to send my christmas cards out. SHIT.  oh right, i remember now. i was going to comment on his rudeness and how he pretends to listen to my mom's daily bitching about her shit day at work. he always needs to but in with his commentary about how he's better, faster stronger than everyone else.  that was about it i guess. i had something else up my sleeve, but as per usual: i'm too lazy.  i don't know how i'm ever going to get anything ut there if i'm too zy to tell it. i guess i just think/talk better than i write/type.   i haven' t talked to hm in a while. i'm scared about how christmas will work out. families celebrate christmas together. we are not family. i don't remember what he did last year. i think he snuck off and came back a few days later. or maybe it was wishful thinking.   i'm starting ti get anxious present-wise. the munchkn keeps hinting at the fact that i might be getting more presents than i asked for, so i'm kinda excited and jittery like back in he day. while this wishful thinking gets makes me feel guilty and i hate when other people talk about their list of presents and how they'll flip if they don't get what they asked for, I ADMIT, I'M DAMN EXCITED.